Why We Need to Face Shame to Truly Heal: A Trauma-Informed Perspective
If you’re on a journey of healing from trauma, you’ve probably done a lot of inner work—talk therapy, mindfulness, maybe even somatic practices. But for many people, something still lingers beneath the surface. A heavy, quiet emotion that’s hard to name or even feel. That emotion is shame.
While it’s uncomfortable to face, shame is often the hidden root of trauma-related symptoms, and true healing rarely happens without addressing it directly. As therapist and author David Bedrick puts it, “If we don't 'unshame,' we can't integrate." And as shame researcher Dr. Brené Brown says, “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”
In this blog, we’ll explore why facing shame is essential for healing trauma, how it shows up in the body, and how a compassionate, somatic approach can help us gently transform it.
What Is Shame and Why Is It So Hard to Face?
Shame is more than just feeling bad about something you did. Unlike guilt, which says “I made a mistake,” shame whispers (or screams), “I am a mistake.” It’s a sense of being fundamentally flawed, unlovable, or unworthy.
Many people carry shame that isn’t theirs to hold. Childhood trauma, neglect, abuse, or growing up in an environment where emotions were dismissed can all embed deep feelings of shame—often outside conscious awareness.
Common signs shame may be driving your inner world:
Constant self-criticism or perfectionism
Chronic people-pleasing or difficulty setting boundaries
Fear of being seen, even in safe relationships
A tendency to freeze or numb out when emotions rise
Feeling "not enough" no matter how much healing you've done
Why Shame and Trauma Are So Closely Linked
Unresolved trauma, especially developmental or relational trauma, often creates the perfect conditions for shame to take root. When we experience overwhelming events without the presence of safety, support, or understanding, the nervous system may internalize the belief: “This happened because of me.”
Somatic trauma expert Peter Levine notes that trauma is not just in the event—it’s in the body’s response. If we experience something frightening and can’t fight, flee, or cry for help, the energy gets stored. Shame becomes a protective mechanism, a way to explain the inexplicable.
As David Bedrick writes in his work on “unshaming,” shame often develops around parts of us that were judged or silenced by our environment—anger, sensitivity, sexuality, fear. These parts don’t disappear; they go underground. And when we try to heal trauma without including shame, we’re often trying to heal while rejecting parts of ourselves.
The Problem with Skipping Over Shame in Therapy
It’s tempting to try to bypass shame. It’s painful. It brings up vulnerability. And many people fear that if they let themselves feel it, it will consume them.
But avoidance keeps shame alive.
In therapy, if we only work with the narrative of what happened—without addressing the deeper emotional beliefs woven into the experience—we may stay stuck. Shame can silently drive anxiety, depression, dissociation, and relationship struggles until it’s named and felt in the presence of compassion.
Dr. Brené Brown's research has consistently shown that shame thrives in secrecy and silence. But when brought into the light, it begins to loosen its grip.
What Does “Facing Shame” Actually Look Like?
Facing shame doesn’t mean rehashing every painful memory or wallowing in self-blame. In fact, the most effective approach is gentle, slow, and somatic.
As a trauma-informed therapist using Somatic Experiencing, I support clients in noticing how shame feels in the body—often as a collapsing inward, tension in the gut, or a desire to disappear. We move at your pace. Sometimes, we simply name the shame. Sometimes, we get curious about its origins. Over time, we begin to relate to shame with compassion, rather than letting it define us.
This is the process that David Bedrick calls unshaming—meeting our shamed parts with curiosity and love, rather than exile or judgment.
“Unshaming is not about getting rid of shame. It’s about bringing dignity to what we’ve been taught to hide.”
— David Bedrick, You Can’t Judge a Body by Its Cover
The Role of Self-Compassion in Shame Healing
If shame says, “I’m unworthy,” then self-compassion is the antidote. And, as Brené Brown reminds us, self-compassion is not just soft—it’s courageous. It requires us to stay present with discomfort, without running away.
Through trauma-informed therapy, clients learn to:
Befriend the parts of themselves they’ve hidden or hated
Allow emotion without judgment
Reclaim their inner worth—not because they’re perfect, but because they’re human
Healing Shame Is Not a Quick Fix—But It Is Transformational
Facing shame takes courage, but it’s one of the most important steps on the path to wholeness. When we turn toward it with curiosity, kindness, and support, shame no longer has to drive our behaviours, silence our voice, or keep us in survival mode.
In short: you don't have to heal by pretending you're okay. You can heal by bringing all parts of yourself into the light—including the ones that feel hardest to love.
Ready to Begin the Unshaming Process?
If you're noticing shame surfacing in your healing journey, you're not alone—and you're not broken. Whether you're local to South Delta, BC, or seeking virtual counselling across British Columbia, I offer a trauma-informed, somatic approach that welcomes all of who you are.
Let’s connect for a free 15-minute consult to see if it feels like a good fit.
📍 In-person sessions available in South Delta
🌐 Online sessions available throughout BC
References
Bedrick, D. (2013). Talking Back to Dr. Phil: Alternatives to Mainstream Psychology. Belly Song Press.
Bedrick, D. (2022). You Can’t Judge a Body by Its Cover: 17 Women’s Stories of Hunger, Body Shame and Redemption. Belly Song Press.
Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Avery.
Brown, B. (2015). Rising Strong. Spiegel & Grau.
Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.